Road to Ruin
by Cececat
Summary: A quiet, clever Transylvanian is sent to study the citizens of a distant planet (Earth). Things would be a lot easier if it weren't for his manipulative, crossdressing boss... and his increasingly flirtatious sister. Nothing ever seems to go his way. My first Riff Raff-centric story. Please Read/Review!


**Disclaimer: I don't own _The Rocky Horror Picture_** _ **Show**._

 **A/N:** ** **Fellow fans often say that Vitus is Riff and Magenta's last name. That's a Latin word. As a result I gave everyone Latin (or mock-Latin) names.** According to Google Translate, "profugus" means "vagabond" or "outcast". "Dulcibellus" is derived from the name "Dulcibella" ("sweet lady"). If you've ever seen _Life of Brian_ , the name "Biggusdickus" ought to be especially funny. **  
******The male names follow early Latin naming conventions (first the personal name, then the family name, and finally a non-inherited nickname). Riff Raff refers to Frank as "Gaius" out of disrespect. He's mocking his superior by using the man's first name. It's supposed to seem rude, degrading.  
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 ** ** **Hopefully all that isn't too weird... I'll admit, I'm a bit of a nerd. And I like worldbuilding.  
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 _From the Journal of Professor Profugus Vitus Rebellius_ :

Today we - meaning my sister Vita Purpura, our employer Gaius Dulcibellus Biggusdickus, and a few forgettable crewmembers - reached the planet Terra (locally known as "Earth"). Of course, according to our most moronic boss, we aren't supposed to go by our real names anymore. He wants us to use Terran-sounding aliases. I'm Riff Raff, she's Magenta, and he's Frank N. Furter. These names were not my idea.

Gaius thought of them, obviously. He never does any research. I, on the other hand, spent many moons reading everything I could find regarding Terra. At one point, I even studied radio and television transmissions we've picked up over the years. I think we ought to call ourselves Dean James, Violet James, and Keith Jaggers. Those actually sound like Terran names. And, in a way, they _are_ translations. James Dean was a notorious young rebel, or so I've read. Violet, like Purpura, means "purple". Keith Richards and Mick Jagger both happen to be famously large and manly, in a rockstarish way. Of course, I'm not in charge. I have no power here. In fact, I never did. Even when I'm right he won't listen. For decades he has abused me. Using his noble title, forcing me to help him cheat on test after test. I'm the only reason that imbecile didn't fail out of med school within weeks. That seductive, manipulative, worthless son-of-a-bitchy old queen.

I cannot wait to leave the ship and explore nearby territory. One can only spend so much time with Gaius. Mere moments seem like centuries when he's around. And he's always up to something. Plotting his way through life, manipulating every fool he encounters. That revoltingly conniving king of cats. To make matters even worse, I'm starting to think he wants to fuck my sister. That won't - can't! - happen. She's mine. If he touches her, I shall kill him - I mean it, I really do.

Anyway, after watching the me park our ship in a Terran forest, old Gaius retired to his chambers. Presumably to watch a film. He's too lazy to read or study… though he certainly enjoys less sophisticated Terran media. Especially the so-called 'exploitation' and 'b' movies. How uncultured of him.

He acts like we're on vacation. How ridiculous. We're here to study the natives. It's a scientific expedition. I would've pointed this out, if I weren't so afraid of getting whipped. The boss sure does enjoy beating people. If he can't charm his way out of an argument, he always resorts to violence. That, or outlandish insults. He's such a lowly being. If he hadn't been born a prince someone would've killed him by now.

To him life is merely one long, colorful orgy of sex and violence.

Like one of those idiotic movies.

Tomorrow I'll go looking for the nearest town or city - with or without his permission. I plan to bring my sister along, too, for her own safety. It's the sensible thing to do. And I'm very keen on being sensible… as any RTSM* teacher could tell you.

[*Royal Transylvanian School of Medicine]

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 **A/N: I know, I know. That wasn't very long. I used to write 1k+ words of fanfiction every day. Of course, nowadays, I'm _also_ working for two separate websites. This week I'm supposed to covering DC Fashion Week and writing a few clickbaity articles about movie soundtracks. That's my excuse, I guess. I haven't got as much time anymore. Also... writing long diary entries is a bit girly. Riff probably wouldn't write too much, being a man and all.  
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 **Please Review!**


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